[[its not hard.]]
I L0VE YOU.
ITS N0T HARD T0 ADMIT IT.
I KNEW IT ALL AL0NG.
THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU .
THE FIRST SMILE YOU PUT IN MY FACE.
THE FIRST WORD I TOLD YOU.
EVERYTHING I REMEMBER.
I JUST CANT BELIEVE ITS ALL OVER.
BUT THATS ALL THATS HARD.
THATS WHAT I COULD SAY.
I DONT REALLY WANT YOU TO GO AWAY.
She fell madly in love at... |13:48|
She fell madly in love at... |20:26|
i`m paranoid in this world. paranoid of a lot of things. mad because of a lot of human beings. why am i like this you ask. i`m telling you now. i cannot answer a lot of questions. like why this bitch did this to me.. yeah.. i`m stupid . maybe i am.. but
loser who cares? nobody cares fool? nobody but me.. yes me.. oolala.. inner workings of my pathetic lyf.. booyah!
She fell madly in love at... |17:17|
I TAKE IT BACK.
yes. you are right as you are right forever. yes. i still love you. how could i not? every thing about you is perfect. you are perfect if one can be perfect. and i am not. no i'm very far from perfect. maybe even the opposite. no, i'm not proud of that. yes, i would say that i'm a perfectionist. that i live in a utopia far from the real world. but i was wrong, no i wasn't living in my own utopia, i was living in yours. and i loved that, i love you. our past is murky. you dont even know me. i feed my life through you. lived part of my life as a life. a big fat stupid lie. you were my idol. but i dont know. i betrayed you. goodbye.
She fell madly in love at... |11:28|
i feel so stupid.
i feel like a sexist. i'm so utterly so sorry for saying i'm homophobic. maybe i am a little paranoid. but i feel that's its just wrong to say that. i have friends that are straight, gay, lesbian, bi you know it. and they didn't really judge me. why am i judging them? i feel like those people who judged Jesus before. oh my God. i have made my mistake. sorry for that.
on other things, i finished Dan Brown's Angels and Demons today. Its so surreal. its like i'm caught up in this make-up & candy world and other people are saving the world. i feel so useless. well maybe i am. but i want to change that. i want to go to harvard one day. yeah i know you'll probably say. yeah. you'll go to harvard when i become queen of england or some sarcastic thing like that. but i really want to so, I'll thrive hard. study. and maybe i'll get a chance to go there. my dream.
all for now.
She fell madly in love at... |18:42|
[[oh my gosh.]]
i'm scared of homophobic people.
i mean bi thats kinda sorta in a weird sense ok for me but. homophobic people scare the hell out of me. oh i'm sorry. but this one girl she was all "have you ever been touched in your you know where by another girl?" . i was all what the fuck? that is the nastiest thing that i have ever been asked. its like damn. i know maybe they dont really like people that are not the same sex as they are but your know. i am just grossed out. freaky! i know i had my share of you know liking but oh my God i fucking did not go that far. i am never gonna get over that. its stupid. i know. but i'm so damn scared of people like that. ugh.
aren't you scared?
She fell madly in love at... |10:30|
my life is on hiatus. a brief stop as I stare at the world. as i stare i see how slow the world moves. one step at a time. as i pause i realized that i still after 14 whole damn years, i have not yet discovered why the fuck am i here. why the fuck i was born. its like whats going to happen after this as i rot and grow old and be eventually fed to the worms. if i go to Heaven, what would i do there and if i go to hell, would it be painful? i dont know. i'm searching for someone to tell me that. if you read this and think that i'm suicidal then your wrong. i'm just searching for answers.
just like everybody else.
She fell madly in love at... |14:01|